Brook/Life

I just have some thoughts that I need to get off my chest!! Now that Courtney is turning five and going to kinder next year...I am torn a little about what to do next year?? School?? Find a job?? Stay at home? It's not that I won't be busy here...I would be busy anyway I choose!! I mean she will only be in half day, which is two hours...so it will be really nice to get some stuff done and to get on top of stuff!! But I can't help think that my little brook would only be two and I could run and play with her! I know it's not Logical to think it would be all fun and happy! A two year old would be hard and I am so glad that I don't have anyone in diapers!! I do wonder why she didn't want to come to our family?? I wonder if its cause we weren't ready, or maybe she didn't want to be apart of our lives?? Maybe she thought that I was a horrible mom?? Maybe she or god didn't think I could handle it?? I do wish she was here!!! It's weird cause I really wanted a four....but now I don't...mostly I don't want to go though all the heartache!! I wish I had all the answers!! I learned in the church that we WORK (trying to be godly)for all our blessings....I really don't think that's true 100%...I think a lot of it in luck and once you have it then you have to work to keep it!!! Blessing of being a great person has nothing to do with with the out come of your life!!!!! Just a though on my life!!! Oh we'll i'll look forward...hold my head up high and smile for the life i have and the cute kids I do have!!! I'll let life show me what it's got plan for me and I am not going to worry about it so much!!!!